Sunday, January 29, 2006

Lips and Pricks

Ok, one last thing about Big Brother. I promise. There's something about pouting Pete Burn's unfeasibly plump lips. They send out ripples of revulsion; felt all the more keenly after being told that the first of his lip jobs had gone horribly wrong; images of pus filled lips blistering, sore and cracked. This account of cosmetic 'enhancement' brought back memories of the infamous case of John Wayne Bobbit and his surgically re-attached penis. You recall, perhaps, that Bobbit went on to subject his phallic join to the ultimate in quality control - in hard core porn films!

Bobbit had been relieved of his penis while semi-comatose with drink, by his long suffering wife. She'd fled from the scene, organ in hand, driving away, organ on dashboard, and then disposed of it through an open car window. Armed with searchlights, and an artist's impression drawn soon after Bobbit's loss, the Las Vegas police found Bobbit's stolen goods which were then surgically returned to their rightful owner.

So what then of Bobbit's subsequent career move, starring soon after the reattachment in the hard core John Wayne Bobbit Uncut ? I wondered at some of the more fantastical reasons for his new found stardom. Could the penis have been enhanced with silicon before being sown back on? Perhaps a simple increase in size, or even an eye catching variation on the cylindrical theme. What if the Bobbit original was never found, resigned to its roadside landing, and Bobbit had become the first recipient of an organ donor's ultimate sacrifice, tissue typed, cross matched, and unfeasibly well proportioned! Of course , the real reason his CV was so well received was simply the novelty of a penis with such a history. But should we really dismiss the idea of phallic transplants as the perverted product of an over-active imagination?. After all, what 100 years ago would have been considered flights of fancy, have now found their landing sites in the cosmetic clinics of Harley Street and Californian vendors of the body perfect. It is not inconceivable that fifty years hence, penile transplants might be big business, driven by the obsessive demands of the under-endowed, and the desire of the deceased to cheat in some small way the celibacy that death enforces. Bobbit may have been reacquainted with his penis, resurrected from its roadside landing, but there may come a time when more wholesome victims of roadside tragedies might find their penises subject to the searchlights of big business.

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